Eyes

I am in Mangalore waiting for a flight to Bengalaru. As in the rest of this trip, I have been noticing eye contact so much, especially with women. Muslim women who meet my eyes from behind their otherwise veiled face, Hindu women at the Ashram.

This morning nearby is a Muslim woman with her 3 young children and her husband. She is in a burka and I am curious. I want to look at her but don’t because I feel shy and respectful. But she catches my eye and her gaze is so open and gentle and truly friendly. And it is easy for me to return that open hearted gaze to her. 

This is a frequent experience here - when my eyes meet the eyes of another woman, it is usually not a conditioned response but instead is often like a wide-open window between us. Oddly enough, when my eyes meet other familiar looking westerners, the window is not always as open. It’s more of a conditioned response sort of look; the gaze is veiled, even though the lips may be smiling. 

And that “veiled window” is often the case at home, even with people I know well. With strangers it might be partly due to “the senior discount”, especially of older women in my culture (whereas here older women are generally held in respect. In fact, older women are called Mataji- a term of respect which means Mother). But at home, my eyes are veiled too - as if to protect myself from someone’s / anyone’s gaze that might see me as if through a dark lens or see me as a ridiculous old woman. Or because I am seeing them through a lens darkly. 

I get off the plane in Bengaluru and in the airport, I see on the TV monitors that there has been a massacre of 40 people in Pulwama. I feel my heart contract and the veils go down over my eyes.  

I would like to make a more disciplined practice of keeping my eyes - and my heart - open and unveiled whether or not the other person’s window is open and regardless of outside circumstances. Or because it is even more important when outside circumstances are heart breaking.