Today is Wednesday and I'm getting ready to go out of town - or not. My mom's health is in a critical place - or not. And so my travel plans are up in the air. I may be be up in the air - on a flight to Phoenix tomorrow morning - or not.
I had scheduled to spend Thursday through Monday midday on a yoga study and meditation retreat with Paul Muller Ortega. Then spend Monday through Thursday midday on my own personal writing retreat. After which I would spend Thursday through Monday with my teacher Lee Lozowick - for the April celebration.
But now I am waiting until the last minute to decide if I will go at all. And if I do go I may just go for the first 5 days. So I simultaneously packing for O days (easy)- or 5 days (add Yoga and Meditation "gear")- or 8 days (add Laptop)- or 12 days (add work clothes, celebration-type clothes, sleeping bag and pillow).
Believe me - I get it how unbelievably fortunate I am to even have this dilemma!
What was starting to make me crazy and anxious was the unkonwn-ness of everything. But now I am pretty calm.....just trying to be present with the current situation. I will either be on a plane or not. I am feeling just fine about not going anywhere at all but the thing is, it is really hard to tell which way things are going to go. Mom is definitely not well- she has been in the hospital about 10 days with pneumonia. But the minute we think it's really dire, she rallies. And the minute she rallies, and we think she's out of the woods, she tanks. It's just a more vivid version of the picture that has been Mom and Dad's reality for the last 3 years since Mom's stroke.
So - I'll be "out of office" - or not.