My last post was pretty raw and transparent and I am not surprised to have received several worried responses that were full of love and care - (Thank you....I mean really - Thank you! I do not want to be like I often have been - the one who says "I'm fine.....don't worry about me. How are YOU? (That is such a power play anyway - you know?)
But my post also created some misunderstanding - like maybe I am circling the Yoga drain - and in particular the Anusara Yoga drain. Well.....I have been experiencing that heavy downward spiral, and I don't yet know where I'll end up in terms of Anusara Yoga. It doesn't seem important to me to think about that right now. I am taking care of my own back yard. I have stopped thinking about the national situation for the time being - and stopped looking at the Teacher Facebook page - possibly forever.
What I feel most is hope, vigor and a sustained fierceness.
I am preparing for Immersion tomorrow - so I can't devote much time to writing more about this right now. but in a nutshell - (and also in a couple of letters I that I e-mailed out just this morning) - here's what I think today.
I do feel the goodness of all of this. And boy do I trust the Intelligence that is Yoga. For me - one of the main things arising from all of this is a wild renewal and deepening of my knowing what Yoga IS. It is truly nothing less than the evolutionarily Force of the entire Universe......God's grace in action………the Holy Spirit ..............the alive and moving power of the Maha Kundalini Shakti's unimaginable Intelligence……….So – Yep - Yoga is the Big MA and not likely to let Herself be owned by nonsense for very long. She's pissed.
I am glad that the day–to–day workings of Garden Street have been mostly separate from Anusura on High, but honestly – I love the Anusara method and I am grateful for the excellence it has fostered in the teachers at garden street and everywhere else.
And - paradoxically - I still cannot quite believe the MASSIVE amount I learned from John and owe to him. He got lost. Nobody – except maybe a fully realized one (and I even have my doubts about most of them) can take that much power and attention without getting bent. And I know FOR SURE - that "there but for the grace of God, go I".
At the moment - for me - it is a process of wait and see. Really – what matters has already happened in my own yoga world. Now I need to see how I want to connect – or not connect – with Yoga at the non–local level.
And I will keep the faith - no fear.