Life Energy - Shakti - is inherently and wildly generous.

Life Energy - Shakti - is inherently and wildly generous. Shakti is the Divine feminine. She is awakened creation emanating out from the still point - Shiva - like a vortex wheel or a blossom, here and now, in you as you, in your life as it is. She is embodied, organic and tremendously alive.

Shakti's generosity is expressed in Leonard Cohen's song "Come Healing":

.......

The longing of the branches

To lift the little bud

The longing of the arteries

To purify the blood

....

If I accept life as it is, exactly as it is, I give life - Shakti - permission to move in my life, to shower me with the generosity of Her amazing Grace.

And then I can - I must - express that same grace outward with unstinting generosity.

I can't force ripen or force-blossom Shakti. I must open and wait and accept Her in my life as it is. Just as the dark night must be faced before dawn can appear.

My Sanskrit teacher Dr. Katy Jane Poole writes: 

"It's a test, my friend. Can you face that dark night? Can you have faith?

The word for "faith" in Sanskrit is Shradda, "the feeling of an expectant mother." She has no other choice but to sit and wait.

Rest assured, the moment of change is coming. It's inevitable. You just don't know what it is. And you can't control it.

…………..The dark night of the soul isn't supposed to be fun.

The whole world is in a pregnant waiting pattern. Sometimes Shakti makes us  wait, makes me sit where I am and face the unknown where I can't see anything. But you know what? I say YES to Shakti even in her dark phase. A big YES. In a practical sense, for example, I am taking the "flatten the curve" effort seriously. I take it on as a practice not so much for myself personally but for the whole world - like a prayer for all beings. Just because I am lucky to live in a sparsely populated area does not entitle me to ignore the efforts of humanity to flatten the curve. When I have the impulse to "not comply" I name it in myself as "my will and my way".

Instead, wait. Open to grace. Listen deeply. Practice. Surrender to waiting. Don’t measure the waiting.

The image of a Lotus works beautifully here. 

First: surrender to the grace of gravity - your roots in the mud. Dark. Waiting. 




Second: grow a "stem". You will need the muscular energy and discipline to engage principles of alignment  and right action. 

Third: Open, shine outward. Let the lotus blossom and your heart open to the world. Offer it out as prayer or a blessing - however you can serve the generosity of Shakti.

And begin again.

1. Open... to the grace of gravity. Sink your roots in the mud. Not knowing. Wait.  Surrender to Life - as it is - here and now.
2. Align... Muscle energy and discipline.
3. Expand...your heart in an expression of fierce and sweet generosity. Shakti will show you ways to do this even while you shelter in place. 

And begin again.

Meeting the Light Completely

I swim laps two or three times a week. At the pool I have gotten to know - sort of - the other regular swimmers. We don' t really stop and chat, what with being scantily clad, goggled and swim-capped. But still we recognize one another. I frequently see a guy who is extremely large.... probably 300 - 400 lbs. Sharing a lane with him is no fun because he swims like a tsunami and I get water up my nose. So, when I see him trolling for a lane to share, I make sure not to notice, not to make eye contact. And I spread out in my lane doing big sloppy strokes to make it look like I am a very bad lane-partner. I hope he will move on. 

It is a non-namaste moment: The "Light in me" is definitely not seeing "the Light in him". 

But a few days ago – after spending the whole weekend teaching a Yoga Immersion with the theme of “Open to Grace" / "Open to the Light", and really aiming to practice just that, to embody it, I went swimming. He was there. Trolling for a lane. Lo and behold – he seemed lovely. I felt friendliness towards him. He seemed vulnerable and real. Just a fellow swimmer doing the best he can. A perfectly imperfect human like me. And I waved him over to share my lane. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I don’t see the world as it is – but as I am. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Sadhana (practice of yoga, meditation, contemplation, prayer, etc.) is how I gradually but inevitably train myself to align with the Light, to meet the Light inwardly more completely.  The "Light" goes by many names (God, Sacred Mystery, Universe, etc.).

Union / communion with the Light within, when I experience it, feels like a glow or a light at the center of me (sushumna), an inward meeting of the Light. When I meet it, align with it, I have no doubt whatsoever that it is Love that is literally holding me up. 

When I have turned inward to the Light - to Sacred Mystery – the Light follows me back out into the world. And at least for a time, I see the Light outwardly more clearly.  

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Meeting the Light Completely” by Jane Hirshfield.

Even the long-beloved

was once

an unrecognized stranger.

Just so,

the chipped lip

of a blue-glazed cup,

blown field

of a yellow curtain,

might also,

flooding and falling,

ruin your heart.

A table painted with roses.

An empty clothesline.

Each time,

the found world surprises—

that is its nature.

And then

what is said by all lovers:

“What fools we were, not to have seen.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Because Even the Word Obstacle is an Obstacle” – by Alison Luterman

Try to love everything that gets in your way:

the Chinese women in flowered bathing caps

murmuring together in Mandarin, doing leg exercises in your lane

while you execute thirty-six furious laps,

one for every item on your to-do list.

The heavy-bellied man who goes thrashing through the water

like a horse with a harpoon stuck in its side,

whose breathless tsunamis rock you from your course.

Teachers all. Learn to be small

and swim through obstacles like a minnow

without grudges or memory. Dart

toward your goal, sperm to egg. Thinking Obstacle

is another obstacle. Try to love the teenage girl

idly lounging against the ladder, showing off her new tattoo:

'Cette vie est la mienne', This life is mine,

in thick blue-black letters on her ivory instep.

Be glad she’ll have that to look at all her life,

and keep going, keep going. Swim by an uncle

in the lane next to yours who is teaching his nephew

how to hold his breath underwater,

even though kids aren’t allowed at this hour. Someday,

years from now, this boy

who is kicking and flailing in the exact place

you want to touch and turn

will be a young man, at a wedding on a boat

raising his champagne glass in a toast

when a huge wave hits, washing everyone overboard.

He’ll come up coughing and spitting like he is now,

but he’ll come up like a cork,

alive. So your moment

of impatience must bow in service to a larger story,

because if something is in your way it is

going your way, the way

of all beings; towards darkness, towards light.

One Chord - One Love

The Bauls of Bengal* are wild, gypsy-like lovers of God. They are committed to the realization of the Inner Beloved, to “remembering God”. They sing thousands of devotional songs, and dance and perform as ways of praise; they practice asana as a way to “remember God”. Their traditional garb is a patchwork garment, signifying their commitment to a singular reality - that reality being Love - made whole only by disparate pieces coming together in a unified, purposeful whole. They sing their songs to the accompaniment of an ektara* which is a one-string - one focus instrument. (the root "eka" means "one") 

I can think of no better image for my practice! To be committed to the singular reality of one light-one-love-one-heart made whole only by the disparate parts of myself coming together for the unified purpose of love. I do have quite a few disparate parts: spine, rib cage, personality constructs, preferences, aversions, to name a few.

That "one-light-one -love" is described by the Yoga Tradition as situated right at the middle of the "heaven-earth" axis of my upright posture and is called the sushumna, very much like the one-string of the Ektara. The sushumna is described as being "slender as a spider’s thread and brilliant as a million moons", a most powerful ektara; a unifying organizing chord of remembrance. It can – if I tune to it - magnetically, energetically and elastically draw the disparate parts together into a unified purpose: Love. Remembrance of the sacred Mystery, within and without.  

Yoga has been many things for me, but the Ektara of Love –  the song of the Heart - has been a steady chord. I have often forgotten to tune to it. But nevertheless, it sings inside me, ever-present, never-absent. It continues to inform and transform, to take me apart, to undo me and re-organize me again, slightly more attuned each time, each iteration, to the music of the one-stringed call of love.

And in case all this sound just sooo esoteric, it is and it is not. It is also very physical. My body is the instrument, the ektara if you will.

For example, right now as I am contemplating all of this, the singular chord of sushumna / organizing principle, if I tune my awareness to it, asks me to drop my ribs. I do so and feel such relief! I can breathe more freely. My diaphragm is dis-inhibited. In the next moment my ribs might jut forward, diaphragm inhibited, ease of breath and ease of being receding. But no effort, no remembrance is ever wasted. The call of the ektara continues. And each time I answer it I draw closer and more magnetically home.

Or this example: in response to the call of ektara – sushumna, I soften back from front body into back body. This brings my rib cage over my hips which in turn allows my three diaphragms (pelvic, breath and throat) to align with one another, which in turn activates my body-wide myofascial core, which in turn allows my chronically tight psoas to relax. And I am remembered – even if only for a few moments – to the felt sense Real-ness of being literally held up by the one light of love, slender as a spider threat, brilliant as a million moons. I am in that moment remembered and remembering.

Remembering is an activity. As the ektara / sushumna continue to call me into yoga / union, my activity gradually but inevitably transforms both on and off the mat. For example, back body awareness and psoas release will gradually but inevitably decrease my tendency to push through and work harder, out of a survival cramp of forward- moving, reactive, front body grip.

To close I will riff off of Charles Bukowski’s poem Blue Bird.

There's a bluebird in my heart that wants to get out…..so I tune to the chord of sushumna-ektara….and the cage she is in (made of the disparate – dis-membered – desperate parts of me) begins to open and melt…. and then reform into a unified whole aligned with the love, the original tenderness and organic energy that the bluebird is.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

*My guru, Lee Lozowicki and our school or lineage, call ourselves Western Bauls as we have so much in common in terms of philosophy and practice with the Bauls of Bengal. A combo of tantra and bhakti paths.

* The ektara is also known as a gopi-chand. (Gopi is a cowherd – a devotee of Krishna; Chand is Moon; the Gopis danced in ecstatic devotion with Krishna under the light of the moon)

Sufiman

"The Sufi men stood in a circle around the perimeter of the room, their swords held upright and vertical in front of them. They did not move or speak. They held a silent, strong circle of protection, a contained chamber within which the Sufi women taught, offering powerful wisdom from their lineage."    

Recently I got lucky – or engineered some luck – and visited my ashram (Lee’s School) for 6 days to be in the company of women, most of them my sangha sisters and most of us elders. We sat in circles of conversation, contemplation, study and discussion. We spent one evening learning to do the “bottle dance” (from fiddler on the roof) dancing around with water bottles on our heads!

All the circles and activities were twined together by good food, good company, sunlight, and deep practice in a place on planet earth that is super-charged with prana-shakti. So – like I said – I got lucky.  

In one of the circles of elder women, the topic came up regarding the health, or otherwise, of the masculine and feminine principles in the world and in ourselves. One of my fierier sangha sisters argued with passion that the Feminine Principle is doing fine. (This being in response to a meme in the culture that says we need to awaken shakti, strengthen a wounded feminine, and so on). I felt my whole body-mind immediately agree her. I DO feel that the Feminine Principle - in me and in my life - is strong. Healthy, alive and well. My sangha sister went on to say that it is the Masculine Principle that is weak. And blessings on her that she asserted that it is not just weak out there in "those men" but inwardly in “us women”. I have thought so much about this idea since being in that circle. And now I am writing about it. Read on.

It seems to me that there is a Sacred Masculine, a secular masculine and a wounded masculine. Sacred Masculine is that in me that has the capacity to be upright and inner-body-bright, vertically aligned between heaven and earth in attitude and posture. It is that in me which wishes to keep me from falling away from the clear light of my own central channel (sushumna). The Sacred Masculine principle helps me to stay steady, not waver, when outer circumstances (physical, injury, illness, old age; mental emotional anxiety, grief, anger, disappointment, politics, etc.) are challenging. The Sacred Masculine – in its power, protectiveness and ability to stay in place - is in service to the arising of the Sacred Feminine which includes original tenderness, sweetness, vulnerability and innocence but also sadness, grief, broken-heartedness and longing.

Then there is the secular masculine. The secular masculine in me is strong enough. It knows how to be a good worker. Work out. Be strong for the sake of being strong (rather than in service). The secular masculine in me is that personality construct which tends to be a workaholic.

And thirdly is of course the wounded masculine which I can so easily find examples of in the world and in history. And in myself. The wounded masculine also knows how to be strong and tough and uses that strength to do harm. The wounded masculine in me is that personality construct which tends to be a bully. I sometimes bully myself in fact. And bullying is not just about the physical. There is passive aggressive and subtle bullying which is even bully-er than the physical.   

An image for a healthy Sacred Masculine came to me through a description offered by another of my sangha sisters. She told us of her experience of attending the world parliament of religions where she was in a teaching space offered by the Sufis. The Sufi men stood in a circle around the perimeter of the room, with their swords held upright and vertical in front of them. They did not move or speak. They held a silent, strong circle of protection, a strongly contained chamber within which the Sufi women taught, offering powerful wisdom from their lineage.    

The work of cultivating the sacred Feminine and Masculine, of healing and restoring the balance of the world, is mine to do within the chamber of my own heart-mind-body. That feels wonderful and urgent. Wonderful because I can’t change others or the world – not really. I can only do my own work. And urgent – because I must do my own work. Live and practice in such a way that cultivates a strong silent, protector energy in service to the opening of an equally strong original tenderness and love. Letting Love in. Letting innocence and sweetness arise and also learning to bear the sadness, loneliness and longing of the broken heart that only God can heal.  

God and Fish Paleontology

I have been thinking about fish paleontology since I watched the PBS series "Your Inner Fish". Once upon a time, a bazillion years ago, the primordial sea formed itself into fish like creatures (no bones), then fish-like creatures with a few spine-like bones, then fish/amphibian-like creatures with 1 bone - 2 bones - lotta bones (arms and hands;  legs and feet). And then the primordial sea crawled out of itself and onto dry land.

Same thing happened for you and me in the primordial sea of the womb. First we were fish-like creature with no bones, then some bones, then "1 bone-2 bones-lotta bones” (femur, tibial fibula, ankle and foot bones; humerus, ulna and radius, wrist and hand bones) You and I as fetuses looked almost EXACTLY like the primordial pre-fish. If that is not enough to blow my mind open to wonder nothing is!

In our incredibly secular culture, I can't talk about God and make any sense. And I can't not talk about God and make any sense. But I can talk about the crazy miracle of evolution and I feel like I am talking about God.

I have been in a process of acknowledging to myself that I don't "believe" the many stories and beliefs and dogmas and deities that have grown up around the Sacred Mystery that continues to move and breathe life forward. I also don't NOT believe in them. It is just that the whole realm of "belief" is not what is at work in me. A deeper faith is afoot.

I have, over the decades, cultivated and clung to various beliefs as a way - I think - of sidestepping the mind-blowing mystery of the unknown. But now that I do not have so many beliefs I am holding to, I have more faith than ever before. Faith in the wild Love that is repeating itself, replicating itself, growing itself, fetus by fetus and acorn by acorn. My faith in the Sacred Mystery is stronger and stronger as I know less and less about what is REALLY GOING ON.

Now I am at a loss to give the Beloved a name. And the name "Beloved" does not do it either. I like the Jewish tradition of not writing the Name / Namah. It lands closer to home with me than names like Shiva or God. And yet, I love those names too. It is just that they don’t make my mind small anymore. They are like fingers pointing to the fantastic, anything but small, Mystery of Love and Light.

I sleep curled up sometimes. Fetus. Primordial fish. Then gradually as I wake up, my skeletal system engages spine, 1 bone, 2 bones lotta bones. My feet and legs and hips crawl me out of the primordial sea of sleep. And I stand up and participate in the crazy-wise mystery of evolution.

Thinking about fish paleontology has not diminished my awe and devotion to the Sacred. It makes the aquifer of my faith grow stronger even as the surface waters of beliefs come and go.

I want to continue to be more and more open to "not knowing", even though it comes with the price tag of increased vulnerability. It is a fair price to pay. Surrender to the Mystery does not take sacredness and love out of life. Just the opposite.

The crazy-oh-my-gosh- how-did-this-happen miracle of the primordial sea forming itself into individual packages of sea water and growing bones. Wow. That is a miracle for me. And my heart and mind fly open in devotion when I ponder - even for a moment - the Blessing Force behind it all. (Robert Frost's line perfectly here: "The heart can think of no devotion, greater than being shore to the Ocean....")

It is all God. And I don't know what That is. And I bow down. Again and again I bow down.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Here is the poem from which a stole the line:” I can’t talk about God and make any sense. And I can’t not talk about God and make any sense”.

What’s In the Temple – by Tom Barrett

In the quiet spaces of my mind a thought lies still, but ready to spring.

It begs me to open the door so it can walk about.

The poets speak in obscure terms pointing madly at the unsayable.

The sages say nothing, but walk ahead patting their thigh calling for us

       to follow.

The monk sits pen in hand poised to explain the cloud of unknowing.

The seeker seeks, just around the corner from the truth.

If she stands still it will catch up with her.

Pause with us here a while.

Put your ear to the wall of your heart.

Listen for the whisper of knowing there.

Love will touch you if you are very still.

If I say the word God, people run away.

They've been frightened—sat on 'till the spirit cried "uncle."

Now they play hide and seek with somebody they can't name.

They know he's out there looking for them, and they want to be found,

But there is all this stuff in the way.

I can't talk about God and make any sense,

And I can't not talk about God and make any sense.

So we talk about the weather, and we are talking about God.

I miss the old temples where you could hang out with God.

Still, we have pet pounds where you can feel love draped in warm fur,

And sense the whole tragedy of life and death.

You see there the consequences of carelessness,

And you feel there the yapping urgency of life that wants to be lived.

The only things lacking are the frankincense and myrrh.

We don't build many temples anymore.

Maybe we learned that the sacred can't be contained.

Or maybe it can't be sustained inside a building.

Buildings crumble.

It's the spirit that lives on.

If you had a temple in the secret spaces of your heart,

What would you worship there?

What would you bring to sacrifice?

What would be behind the curtain in the holy of holies?

Go there now.

Sunlight Matters

I have been sitting in front of my new sunlight lamp every morning while I study.  I LOVE it. 

Winter darkness hit me harder this year. I don’t know why. I’ve always been one to boast that I am not affected by “bad” weather, and that I could manage my inner weather with diet, exercise, etc. But oh how the mighty boasters are brought low (that’d be me). This winter, with the dimming of the light and the endless days of rain/ snow and heavy overcast, my interior weather followed suit. I was feeling socked in, weighed down by a heavy inner-overcast and a diminishing interest in “the day ahead” whatever the day ahead had in store for me. And I was so tired. I started asking people I admire, “do you get tired”? trying to figure out if being tired was my new “normal”.  I felt an increasing mental “bias for the negative” in general and even though I avoided watching the news,  just thinking about the news depressed me.

In an effort to regain some energy and outlook and sunny days inwardly, I did all the “right things”. I mean I continued to exercise, eat well, meditate and do Yoga. And I continued to do the “right things” in moderation – not succumbing to O.C.D. overdoing.  I continued to have a good life, good relationships and good work. But you know what? Turns out that for me –this year more than usual - Sunlight matters. And since I don’t plan to be a snowbird and spend half the year in “name sunny place”, I purchased a sunlight lamp. I have been sitting in front of it every morning, before 9 am as recommended. I sit for about an hour while I study.  I LOVE it.  I noticed the effects within 2 days.

What is a sun lamp?

A sun lamp, or light therapy box, is a special light that mimics natural outdoor light. Light therapy, also sometimes called bright light therapy, is an effective treatment for seasonal affect disorder (SAD).

Studies show that light from a sun lamp can have a positive impact on serotonin and melatonin, improve sleep and wake cycles, restore circadian rhythms for improved sleep. reduce anxiety and improve mood.

A sun lamp is most used to treat SAD, but light therapy is also used to treat other conditions, including chronic pain and dementia

SAD is a type of depression that begins and ends at around the same time every year when days become shorter. People who live far north of the equator are considerably more susceptible than those who live in sunnier climates. SAD can cause debilitating symptoms, such as feeling depressed most of the day, low energy, oversleeping and weight gain. Sitting in front of a sun lamp within the first hour of waking up every day can improve symptoms of SAD within a few days to a few weeks.

Results may be seen as quickly as 20 minutes into the first session. Since light therapy works quickly and with minimal side effects, it’s often the first line of treatment for SAD, rather than antidepressants.

Meditation Sorcery

Meditation is Sorcery. 

It Sources me to the Sacred Mystery

Re-Sources me to a Force of renewable energy within.  

I close my eyes and follow my awareness along a moonlit path
of breath and sensation to the temple in the secret spaces of my heart. 

I put my ear to the door of my heart
and listen for the whisper of life force there. 

Vibrating silence is there, and the Beloved who I do not yet know.

Even when meditation is filled with busy mind and fidgety body, it doesn’t matter. 

Still I have turned within to the Sacred Mystery. 

And after, when I open my eyes and begin again with the
10,000 things, 

the Sacred Mystery follows me back out into the world.